Crying in Therapy: A Power Move, NOT a Meltdown
- Michelle Fogel, Counseling Student
- Nov 10
- 2 min read
Let’s talk about something that makes people squirm: Crying in therapy. If you’ve ever sat across from your therapist, trying to blink back tears while pretending you just have “bad allergies,” you’re not alone. (In fact, let’s be real—we have all done this, whether in therapy or elsewhere.) But here’s the twist: In therapy, especially Emotionally Focused Therapy, crying is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it is a sign you’re doing the work.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) treats emotions like an internal GPS signal. When you ignore them, you end up lost-- possibly stuck in unexplained sadness, anxiety loops, or even reacting way too strongly to things that may be shouldn’t have hit so hard. EFT is all about going there-- into the deep emotional fog, toward the core feelings that holds the most power. That often means tears… Big ones. The kind that leaves you puffy-eyed-- but feeling lighter afterward.
EFT distinguishes between primary emotions (core emotions like fear and shame) and secondary emotions (like anger and numbness which often mask the primary things). The goal here isn’t to fix the feelings but rather to feel them in a way that heals.
In an EFT session, your therapist may gently guide you to stay with a feeling you tend to avoid. “Let’s pause here,” your therapist might say. “What is happening inside right now”. That moment where your lips start to tremble? That’s not failure. That’s emotional contact, and that is where change begins.
Now for the key question: Why does any of this matter? Well, it matters for a few reasons.
Emotions contain valuable information; when we suppress them, we miss the message.
Suppressed feelings can show up as anxiety, depression, or relationship issues.
EFT allows you space to process emotions safely so they stop running the show in secret.
So, next time you cry in therapy? OWN IT. That is not emotional breakdown- that is emotional BREAKTHROUGH!